


The Star Mirror

by thebestfairymom



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Moving On
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-29 00:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebestfairymom/pseuds/thebestfairymom
Summary: Bill Denbrough has a diary, things he has to work through. When you lose someone you love, sometimes you can't cope alone.





	1. The Moon

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this thing.. A while ago, and i hope you guys can enjoy it, instead of it dying on my tumblr

Have you ever had a moment just completely change your life? Something so abnormal that you just can’t help but almost gawk at because it’s so confounding? This moment which dulled the often effervescent monochrome colors, bringing in the stunningly muted grays and navy blues to an all too colorful world. 

I myself, am more at home in the darkness than I ever felt in the safety of the light. Darkness soothes, it tones down the harshness of the world and brings in the new perspective of peace even if there are shadows creeping in on you. 

Shadows can be ignored, pushed away with the smallest source of light. A flashlight or the warmth of the candle which is what I often prefer. The moment I met you, the world slowed and colors changed just right. Some people are more fond of the bright and vivid color scheme, but I guess that I am an oddity. 

You were not my sun, you were my moon. Something more inherently precious with some of its most intimate parts obscured from few. You were the moon, and I was the stars. But some stars die, which is where I found myself. Unable to even grasp at your pale perfection. And oh, how I longed for you. 

Wanting and desperately trying to reach you. Only damaging myself more in the process. Because I was not a whole human being, instead I was shattered mirror fragments only just registering as a person. Something so broken, who could ever love those parts of me? But that’s where this miracle happened, and you came for me. In my desperate hour of need, when the colors and sounds were too much to handle. 

You held out your hand and pulled me in, the world stunned into a desperate silence as my sobs wouldn’t even reach my ears.. But you heard them, the cries of someone who felt unloved and unneeded. Here you were, starting to put me, a broken mirror or a dimly lit star, back together. 

Your murmured words of love stirred the furthest corners of my hearts, reaching places even I did not know were dead. Oh god, how I loved you even more in that moment. But it wasn’t meant to last.. The eclipse came and blocked out the moon, stealing you from my view and turning everything to blood. 

Blood that I couldn’t wash off my hands no matter how hard I scrubbed. Suddenly the darkness wasn’t so beautiful. It didn’t soothe or calm. There was no silvers, or grays or even navy blues. It was just nothingness, and you weren’t coming back. 

You.. Didn’t come back. The mirror heart shattered, and the star started to die faster and more lasting this time. Unsure if it would ever glow as bright as it did with you. Because I was not with you. That kills me to even think about.. To say that you are gone, means that I am admitting that you’re dead. 

And I don’t think that I’m ready for that. I want to keep you safe, in the same sweet way that you kept me safe for so long. I’m sorry, I didn’t see the brokenness until I found you in that bathtub. To see that pain, and shattered expression on your face until the very end. I loved you, to the point that I destroyed you. Oh god, I’m so sorry. I should have kept you safe too.


	2. The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike was warm, far warmer than Bill was used to since Stan had died. Maybe.. Maybe there was hope left after all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last part! I hope you enjoy!

Ten Months, Eleven Days, and Fifteen Hours:

 

The sky was moonless, dark, an abyss of emptiness. I didn’t feel the same, I felt hollow, listless. Lost with nowhere to go, no safe space to rest. I am the dimly lit star whose light is going out, as the mirror fragments of my heart are lying in pieces on the floor. It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen the moon, and I don’t think I’ve been left alone at all in that time. The flame, The mighty, The poet, The wild card, and The Sun have all stayed by my side throughout this dark time. I’m thankful for them, but to what God, I am not sure. Everything is motionless, time is passing, and what a useless concept it is. Everything is still shrouded in the inescapable shadows, reaching for what’s left of my soul. Everything is - 

Eleven Months, Thirty-Seven Days, and Four Hours:

An emotion, one I haven’t noticed before as the warmth is inviting. Spending days with The Sun, but the nights are unforgiving. Bitter with resentment and self-destruction. The hands of the star - my hands tremble often whenever the darkness comes back. - The warmth, there it is again. Enveloping me in a shield of safety, tucked away in the comfort of an old farmhouse. The fragments of the mirror are glowing, something is starting and I don’t quite understand what this is. 

Eleven Months, Seventeen Days, and Six hours;

There was movement, so subtle I hardly noticed until the colors started to change. Shadowy edges starting to drift away, and a color I rarely saw sprang forward from the abyss. Yellow is a color often symbolized with hope, something I had long given up on. But as I sit here in this meadow filled with wildflowers, the one thing I notice is yellow. The yellow flowers, the yellow of the sweater that The Sun always wore. The warmth radiating from him as his arm drifts around my shoulder, a habit he’d picked up in his efforts to comfort me. It felt.. Normal. 

Twelve Months - A Full Year:

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. This is my fault. Oh god, please help me. The star is falling, breaking through the atmosphere and heading straight for the ground. Moon, my beautiful moon, you’ve been gone an official year. And I don’t think anyone can stop this darkness inside of me. You left, Stan you just left. I’m so sorry, I should have been there for you. I should have - I should… I wish the sun was here, with his warmth and embrace. But that’s not fair on him, to see me in such a state. Sobbing and bent over a desk, writing these words out on paper. Mourning you, my Moon, Three Hundred and Sixty-Five days after I lost you. The darkness has returned, colors drowned once more as I sink further into this feeling. I wanted to be strong today, and maybe go to your grave, but I can’t. I just -

-  
Strong arms wrapped around Bill as he sat hunched over his desk, a sense of relief as he turned into the embrace and buried his face into the crook of Mike’s neck. A soft sob shook his shoulders, while he wrapped his arms around that oh so soft sweater boy. “I- I- I’m s- suh-” Bill started but Mike shushed him, and just held him tightly. It was almost as if Mike could sense his sorrow, and had come to comfort him with no questions asked. Bill’s heart ached as he curled up with Mike on the bed and just told him everything, from his relationship with Stan to the place he was now. Things were quiet after a while, sobs subsided which left Bill with his head on Mikes’ chest, listening to the steady thump of his heartbeat. Mike had his arms wrapped around Bill, just holding onto him tightly, as he reflected on everything he was told that night. 

“Mike?” Bill whispered finally, as his gaze turned up to him when he felt Mikes hand combing through his hair. “Yes, Étoile?” Was the hushed reply, the nickname caused Bill’s heart to flutter and surge with new emotions. “Will you tell me a story?” Bills question made Mike smile and nod as he pulled the blankets up and made them more comfortable on the bed. 

“One night, high in the midnight black sky, the moon was happily watching her children, the stars, playing. One of the stars was sitting by itself and not glowing as brightly as all the other stars. ‘What’s the matter, little one? Why are you not playing with all the other stars? And why are you so sad?’ asked the moon.” Mike dragged his fingers through Bill’s hair slowly as he spoke, his gaze watching the way Bills expression changed. “'Mother, what happens to us when you send us down to earth?’ Asked the star with a small whimper. moon smiled at the star as some of the other stars heard the question and gathered around, 'Yes mother, what happens to us after you have sent us down to earth?’ Another star asked. 'Oh please tell us,’ said another. The moon looked around at all her children.” Mike paused a moment to breathe as one hand traced small patterns against Bills back.

“'When you are all old enough, and your lights are starting to go out, I will send you to earth so you can start your next life. When I have sent you down, you will be reborn into something down there. Some of you will be trees and other plants, some of you the animals and some will even be the people that live and admire us from so far away. Then when your time on earth is done, you will be sent back to me.” All the stars smiled and started to chatter about the things they wanted to see or wanted to be, but the little star still seemed sad: “What if we don’t want to leave?” said the little star. “Why wouldn’t you want to leave little one?” asked the moon. "I’m next to leave and I don’t know if I’m ready to leave yet,” said the star, looking down on earth. “One day you will come back to me and the other stars and you will have many stories of all the things you did and saw when you were down there.”The little star liked that idea of coming back and having a story to tell and smiled “In that case,” it said “I can’t wait till I go down there.” it exclaimed.” Bills eyes were misty with tears, and he wasn’t sure what this new emotion was. As he felt the small hearts that Mike traced into his back and listened to how passionately he told this story. 

“The moon smiled and sent the little star down, watching it glow brightly as it approached the earth. The other stars smiled and watched the star, talking about what it was they thought the star would see and do while on earth. So, on went the life cycle of the stars. The moon would send her children down to earth when their lives as stars had ended and watched over them every night, watching what things they did and the people they saw until it was time for them to join her once more as a star. She would smile when her children would tell her stories of what they did when they lived on earth. And so, on the cycle went, the stars coming and going telling the moon the stories they had from one life to the next.” When Mike had finished the story, he gazed down and noticed that Bill was fast asleep. Leaning in as he pressed a tender kiss to Bill’s forehead, glad he could ease all the turbulent emotions at least for the night. Mike understood that it would take a while for Bill to heal, but he wanted to be there for every step of the way. 

-  
A New Start - Time Uncalculated:

I feel something. Something new, and warm and colorful. The dull shadowy colors have been replaced with such vibrancy, yellows, reds, golds, every color imaginable and those you can only dream about. Was this a star being reborn, like in The Suns’ story? This glow, this smile I get whenever he’s around is unlike anything I’ve ever felt. My heart had been a fragmented mirror, dulled and worthless. Is this what it means to feel alive again? I was so afraid of the brightness of the sun, but god it’s beautiful. He is beautiful. He calls me His Étoile, which means Star in French. And despite all my cracks and flaws, my pain, he’s still here. With me through even my darkest nights. Is this how it feels to be in love again? Because if this is love, I want it to stay forever. I love Mike Hanlon, I love Mike Hanlon and by some miracle, he may love me too. My Moon, I know you’re watching over me. You sent The Sun to me, you sent him to me. Is this what peace feels like? 

-  
Bill picked his head up as his gaze found Mike across the small space, a soft smile lighting his face as he closed his journal and pushed himself to stand up. Covering the short distance and climbing into Mikes’ lap, sliding his arms around him. “You were the miracle I softly pressed up against countless times. I needed you to find me, I needed you to save me.” Bill murmured as he buried his face into Mikes’ neck, feeling as his strong arms wound around his waist.   
“I love you too, Étoile.” Mikes’ lips pressed against Bills forehead, the small moment of clarity for them both. The Star was radiant, his Mirror heart was glowing with this declaration. The Sun loved The Star, and better days were coming.


End file.
